36 Questions Women Have For Men: The Answers

I’m a bit late to this party, but in January of this year BuzzFeedYellow, a BuzzFeed Youtube channel, posted a video entitled “36 Questions Women Have For Men.”  And honestly, the video comes across as condescending and rather insulting, a thin attempt to disguise man-hating as feminism.

I thought I could have some fun with these by writing some answers to these questions.  So here we go.

 

How does it feel to be the same sex as Donald Trump?

Well, at least he has great hair.

 

The magnificent Trump hair.

It looks even better after Jimmy Fallon is done ruffling it.

 

But in all seriousness, how does it feel to be the same sex as the CEO of Mylan, the company that jacked the price of the Epipen up hundreds of dollars?  Or better yet, how does it feel to be the same sex as Delphine LaLaurie, a wealthy slave owner in the 1800’s who beat, abused, and tortured her slaves?

Bad people exist everywhere, regardless of gender.  Being male doesn’t automatically equal a tendency towards doing bad things.

 

Why do you hate rom coms?  Or do you just feel like you need to hate them?

I…don’t really?  I mean, out of my preferred choice of movies, romantic comedies are not exactly high on the list.  Most of the time I find them boring.  The plots are predictable and the characters are uninspired.  I’m sure there are good examples of the genre, but I don’t exactly go out of my way to watch them.

So no, I don’t hate rom coms automatically because I’m a man.  Do you hate action movies automatically because you’re a woman?

 

Everyone likes The Notebook, everyone likes Beyonce.  It’s just a fact.

No it’s not.  Also that’s not a question.  NEXT!

 

Why do you make women sit around and talk about men in movies when y’all easily just sit around and talk about boobs for hours?

You know, for supposedly being a critique of female stereotypes, this video is certainly feeding into a lot of the male ones.  Not every guy is some dude-bro walking cliché who thinks that sex is the key to being a man.  Now THAT’S just a fact.

You hear that?  That’s the sound of the mic dropping.  I don’t even need to write the rest of this post.  I’m just that good.

 

Why do you automatically assume that you won’t like TV or movies that star a female lead?

Why do you automatically assume things about people you haven’t even met?

 

Also your outfit sucks.

Also your outfit sucks.

 

The original Alien is one of my favorite movies, and it stars a female lead.  I also really like the TV show Fringe.  And guess what?  One of the lead characters is female.

I’m not even sure where this one even comes from.  I have yet to meet the person who’s like “oh a woman has the starring role in that movie?  Well to hell with this, I’m out!”

 

Why are you surprised when women are funny?

I’m not.  I like Ellen DeGeneres among others.  Enough said.

Also this question is stupid as hell.

 

I’m probably funnier than you.

This is your third appearance in this video.  So you’re zero for three right now.  Better step up your game.

Again, this is not a question.  NEXT!

 

Why do you think that we’re obsessed with you when we hook up?

Lady, I don’t even know you.  And after how condescending you were in this video, I don’t think I want to know you.

 

Why can’t I sleep with as many people as I want to without being judged?

Why would I care?  Our whole evolutionary drive means that we want to spread around our genes as much as possible.  So go nuts if you want.

But seriously, stop reinforcing stupid male stereotypes.

 

When men do it, they’re congratulated.

WHAT DID I JUST SAY?!

 

Why do you consider a woman a tease if she doesn’t sleep with you after three dates, but a slut if she sleeps with you on the first date?

Damn is there like, a rule book for this now?  I gotta write this down…

(raises hand) Is this going to be on the test next Tuesday?!

 

In what world does no mean yes?

Opposite World.

 

Why do you say women are too emotional to be leaders then justify catcalling by saying men just can’t control themselves?

I don’t.  Catcalling is stupid.

 

Why do you think that just because you’re nice to me, I owe you my body?

It’s nice that you can take a few choice anecdotes and use them to label an entire gender as sexist and perverted.  Really shows your progressive side.

 

Why would you ever send an unsolicited dick pic?

BECAUSE CARLOS DANGER SAYS TO HELL WITH THE REPERCUSSIONS!

 

Why do you feel like it’s okay to harass women or make offensive comments about women but when somebody does it to your sister it’s not okay?

Uh…I don’t have a sister?  And even if I did, are you saying that I shouldn’t be standing up for them if they’re harassed?  That doesn’t make any sense.

 

How does it feel to interrupt me when I’m in the middle of making a point during a meeting?

I already interrupted you several times by pausing the video.  And let me tell you, it felt good.

 

Why do you have to sit with your legs so wide open?

Yes hello, I have 36 questions too.  And they’re all “WHY DOES THIS VIDEO SUCK?!”

 

I get that you have balls, but I don’t stand around with my arms wide open to make room for my boobs.

Your boobs are not the same thing as my balls.  You are not crushing your boobs together by not having you arms wide open.

Also don’t flatter yourself.  Me keeping my legs open has nothing to do with you.  It’s just more comfortable for me that way.

 

Why are women perceived as the weaker sex even though we literally birth you?

Because women are generally physically weaker than men.  That’s just science.

SEXIST SCIENCE!

SEXIST SCIENCE, UPHOLDING THE VALUES OF THE PATRIARCHY!

 

Why is it so bad to show your emotions?

It isn’t.  Moving on…

 

Why are you always trying to prove your masculinity to me?

BECAUSE ME MAN!  ME STRONG!  ME HIT THINGS WITH CLUB!

Is that to your expectations milady?

 

Why the fuck isn’t it ladylike to cuss?  When did words get genders?

Yeah wouldn’t it be funny if like Spanish had masculine and feminine designations for every word in the entire-

……

Ah crap.

 

Why is it your first instinct to doubt women who have been sexually violated or raped?

Why is it your first instinct to ask loaded questions?  And isn’t it “innocent until proven guilty”?  Does a man just have to be guilty if a woman accuses him?  Is that what you’re trying to say?

That, my friends, is called a double standard.

 

Why do you assume a woman’s angry because she’s on her period?

Because the first thing I do when a girl is angry is ask “HEY ARE YOU ON YOUR PERIOD?!”

 

Why do you think women that wear makeup are false advertising?  We could say the same thing about your dick size.

Wait…I was supposed to be putting makeup on my dick?  Well shit, I’ve been doing this all wrong!

 

Why isn’t it weird that there’s a bunch of old white men sitting in a room making legislation about what I can and can’t do with my body?

Because family values and Jesus.

 

Do you have a coochie?

No I don’t.  Do you have a penis?  No you don’t.  But that doesn’t seem to stop you from assuming you know what men are all about does it?

 

Why are straight guys so obsessed with lesbians?

Sounds like someone’s jealous…

 

How does it feel to get kicked in the balls?

Like having to watch this vapid excuse for a video.

 

Do you ever get tired of trying to be manly all the time?

I used to cry a lot as a child.  So no, I don’t get tired of “being manly” because I never made much of an attempt to be manly, whatever the hell that means.

 

Why are you so afraid of gender equality?

Oh no, women being equal to me is so scary and horrible!  They should just go back to the kitchen and make me more sandwiches!

You know maybe gender equality would have better luck if certain feminists weren’t so busy trying to reinforce bad male stereotypes.

 

Why do I deserve to be paid less than you?  In what world does 77 cents equal a dollar?  In what world does 68 cents equal a dollar?  How is that fair?

The whole “77 cents on the dollar thing” is brought up a lot when it comes to gender equality in the workplace.  But the problem is that it’s total crap.  They basically just took the average wage for men and the average wage for women, stacked them together, and came to this conclusion without taking into account any other factors like age, experience, time spent working at one particular job, so on and so forth.

If it was actually true, then no it’s not fair.  But we don’t really know that it’s true now do we?

 

Why are you intimidated by a woman who makes more money than you?

Because women scary, me stupid sexist man!

 

Why are opinionated women seen as bitches when opinionated men are seen as bosses?

Have you been on the internet in the last five years?  Everybody’s opinionated and nobody likes anybody.

 

Why aren’t you speaking up when you hear your male friends behind closed doors make jokes that are offensive to women?

Maybe because my male friends aren’t a bunch of raving chauvinists?  And maybe because the whole concept of something being “offensive” has been so twisted around that just disagreeing with someone else can be seen as offensive?  Or maybe it’s because I find the whole concept of being “offended” heinously stupid in the first place?  I mean come on people, that’s why freedom of speech exists, to protect the unpopular ideas from being phased out.  Obviously if you use your free speech to harass someone and negatively impact their life you should be punished, but are we really going to forbid people from making a slightly off-color “dumb blonde” joke?

 

Why are you so afraid of recognizing your own privilege?  It doesn’t mean you’re a bad person, just recognize it and do something about it.

If it doesn’t make me a bad person then why did you spend the entire video trying to make me feel like a bad person?  I recognize that men have had unfair advantages for a long time.  It hasn’t even been a century yet since women were first given the right to vote.  But I’m so sick of this stupid attitude that says I should feel like a terrible human being just because I’m a man.  They claim that “oh it’s okay, just recognize that you’re privileged and work to fix it”.  But disagree with them in the slightest, and you’re a pile of human garbage.

 

Now look, I recognize that sexism still exists today and that we still have work to do on that front.  But outright male-bashing?  How is that going to solve anything?

I think the key issue with this video is that these questions don’t seem like they were meant to be answered.  They’re extremely loaded and condescending.  They don’t do anything to further the progressive cause but rather end up stifling it.

But there is a happy ending to this story: apparently the Youtube comments section agrees that the video is bad.  So there’s that.

 

Well that’s all I have for this week.  Check back next Wednesday for another post, and as always, have a wonderful week.

You can like the Rumination on the Lake Facebook page here.

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